Thursday, July 30, 2009

Well This Was Fun!

Late last night on Twitter, rockstar agent, Janet Reid, posted a link to one of the funniest song parodies I'd ever seen, written by the brilliant, H.L. Dyer. I laughed out loud, and nearly woke up my soundly sleeping baby and my not-so-soundly-sleeping-but-in-the-other-room-trying-real-damn-hard wife. Here's a link for those who missed it:

Anyway, I was totally inspired by it, and today, during my son's nap, I went ahead and wrote my own.

I chose to go with Dammit, Janet from The Rocky Horror Picture Show to express my love for all the agents of the world out there. 

So sit back and enjoy. And as you read the lyrics, remember to hum Dammit, Janet to yourself, or this just won't work, now will it? All right, let's face it, it probably won't anyway, but I had to try!

Dammit, Agent

Hey Agent (Yeah, dude?) I’ve got something to sell

I know other writers put you through hell

With their rudeness, impatience, and snoozers they tell


My plot points were weak, and I knew it, Agent

My characters 2-D, I blew it, Agent

Then I studied your blog and improved it, Agent

There’s one thing to say and that’s


Dammit, Agent, I need you…


The word count was long, but I sliced it, Agent

The characters talky, I diced it, Agent

I got carpal tunnel; I iced it, Agent

Now there’s one thing to say and that’s


Dammit, Agent, I need you…


Here’s the script to prove that I’m no joker

It’s real good, your assistant told me so

And if you don’t sign me, I’ll choke her

Oh A-G-E-N-T I need you so


You’re out of your mind thinking that I’ll sign you, oh Dude

Your story sucks and worse, you smell like swine poo, oh Dude

I’ll find a new assistant if I have to, oh Dude

I’ve one thing to say and that’s


Dude, I’m mad I ever met you


Oh, Dude, oh dammit!

I’m mad, d’oh Agent!

At you, I need you-ou-ou-ou-ou-ou

There’s one thing left to do-ah-ou, and that’s


Go start a war over on Twitter

Where we'll rage at each other crass and bitter

We can both find your assistant and hit her

There’s one thing to say and that’s

Dammit, Agent, I still need you

Dammit, Agent; oh Dude, I’m… starting to turn around

Dammit, Agent; See? You need me too



Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Hanging with the Ladies

If someone told me earlier that day I'd have the grand opportunity to spill wine on not 1, but 2 published authors in one fell swoop at a dinner table jam-packed with a total of 6 published authors, I would have said, "You know me well!" Sarah wrote Dull Boy, I'm going to write The Dripping and Slippery Adventures of Klutz Boy.

Despite the Sancerre seeping all over poor Rhonda and Julie, we all managed to have a delightful evening. Let's back up a bit for those who weren't there. 

I was racing back from Albany to get to the book signing at Books of Wonder (incredible children's book shop here in NYC!) on time. Lauren Barnholdt, author of Two-Way Street, The Secret Identity of Devon Delaney, and plenty more, is a periodic twitter friend of mine. We'd had a few exchanges, but I thought it would be fun to meet her. And as I'm sure you've suspected - she was one of the YA authors at the book signing. With a bit of luck, little traffic on the road, and some timely directions from a 4-foot tall sherpa who for whatever reason was wandering around the Saw Mill Parkway, I made it to the signing with only the slightest bit of sweat on my brow. 

Lauren was as lovely in person as her tweets had suggested, and we had a great talk. Her agent recently requested Kringle and she raved about her. I also met the surprisingly short ;) Mandy Hubbard, author of Prada and Prejudice. She's a regular sweetheart and was just so excited to be in the city - and that radiated from her. Before I knew it, Mandy had made the mistake of inviting me out to dinner with them. Who knew I'd get wrapped up in their Text in the City extravaganza? I wanna believe I was their Aiden - but let's face it, I'm probably their Sanford. 

So - everyone still with me? Back to the wine spilling. I'm in the middle of some random and I'm sure hilarious (right girls?) story, and I make a grand sweeping motion with my arm. The glass tips, the wine drips, and I rip... my hair out - I felt like the biggest dork in the world. More than usual, I mean. After all, I do lovingly refer to my wife as, "Princess Leia in Slave Outfit."

No one cared in the slightest at the moment, though I'm sure I was made fun of in disastrous proportion later that night in their hotel room. Oh fly - why couldn't I be you for the evening?

Anyway - let's get a roll call of who was there and what they've written so you can all go out and buy their books, knowing they are all hysterical and great fun, which carries over to their writing. So - Lauren and Mandy you know about.

Next up is Sarah Cross whose debut novel is called Dull Boy. Then we have Violet Haberdasher whose series, Knightley Academy, is coming March 9, 2010 (her previous titles are: Better than Yesterday and  The Social Climber's Guide to High School).  Rhonda Stapleton - aside from being side-splittingly hysterical and a great target for Sancerre - is the author of Stupid Cupid (Dec 22, 2009), Flirting with Disaster (March 9, 2010), and Pucker Up (May 18, 2010). And finally - Julie Linker is the author of Disenchanted Princess and Crowned.  

So there you have it, kiddies. Now go buy books!   

Monday, July 20, 2009

1st Draft Done. Yes, already.

I still can't believe it. At 11pm on July 18th, I completed the first draft of my new novel. Don't know how or why (and you certainly don't question when things roll like this), but only a month and change after walking down the street and having the idea pop into my ole' noggin, here I was with a finished draft.

Yesterday I read through it. There's tons of work to do as always, but it's the best 1st draft I've ever written. The narrative voice stays consistent throughout with only minimal lapses. I still need to find the right voice for 2 characters, however. Some scenes need changing, combining, or all out eliminating, and some scenes need to be added. Some information needs to be placed elsewhere to help build the tension. Sounds like a lot - and it is. But the foundation is there. It's a big lump of clay. And now the sculpting takes place.

So as I promised on my website, I'm revealing the title and synopsis a' right here, a' right now:

NannySpies Book 1: Attack of the Murderous Drooling Mutant Spazoids

Jasper “Jazz” Dav is just your everyday, wisecracking, 3rd degree black belt, Beastie Boys loving, 12-year-old prankster. He even has the record for “most cherry bombs exploded in a single toilet” at his prestigious school. With his parents gone most of the time, his live-in nanny, Marjorie, is the bane of his existence. That is until he discovers Nanny Marjorie is not only a spy, but the head of the Paranormal Division of a super-secret government organization called, The NannySpies Network. 

Jazz is thrust on the adventure of his life, miles under his home in Manhattan, in a mystical, hidden city called, Old York City, where he hears rockin’ new tunes from an all-werewolf rap group – The Howler Homies, tinkers with a tricked out iPhone that has Ghoulie Positioning System, and spends time goofing off with the 30-foot tall Demons of Mischief, all while uncovering a treacherous plot that could totally destroy the entire universe!

Armed with a quick wit, a penchant for disobedience, and a heck of a lot of soda, it’s up to Jazz and his new pals to save New York and Old York from the attack of the Murderous Drooling Mutant Spazoids. 

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Why It's Been So Darn Long

So It's been awhile since my last blog post - I know. But I haven't left you kiddies, I swear! First of all - happy belated 4th of fireworks night. That's one of the reasons I've been away so long - vacation. Sadly, I didn't even see the fireworks on TV, let alone out my window, which overlooks the Hudson River for heaven's sake! The one year they do the show on the West Side, and we pack it up for my wife's sister's house in Maryland. Still, we had a great time. I got to watch Jaden woof down about a hundred blueberries while we picked them in Blueberry Fields Forever. And then the following morning, we got our first official blueberry poop. Life is good.

Meanwhile on the Kringle front, we've moved into a bit of a holding pattern. I got a few more rejections, though oddly all three rejecting agents last week loved the writing and asked me to send them future works when I had them. Synchronicity being my best friend and favorite Police album, it just so happened that I'd been writing an entirely new novel for the previous two weeks and was about halfway done with the first draft. 

What? A new novel, you may be asking yourself? Yessireebob. A new novel. Like the Kringle Khronicles, this one is also a children's fantasy adventure story, and I came up with the concept only three short weeks ago. But it's the easiest writing I've ever done. It's just pouring out of me. Don't know why or how, but I haven't eased off the throttle long enough to figure it out. I'll just take it as a gift from wherever and go with it. 

And so that, dear readers, is why I've been absent from this blog for the past week and change. But I promise to make a gallant return in the next few weeks, after I finish the first draft of the new novel, to at least a bi-weekly post. 

I'll leave you with some more good news about Kringle though. I came home from the 4th holiday to a great email. Kringle was requested by a super cool agent who works for an amazing agency. She has lots of energy, I think I'm following like half her clients on Twitter (and have actually had some great exchanges with some of them), and she knows a friend of mine at Simon and Schuster. We'll see how it goes.  Of course - probably in about 3 months!

Yes, it takes that long, mom - stop asking!